welcome to the good life!

this is a post about childhoods, but before i get to that part, here is a little background on how we got to that topic…

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tonight i went out with my friend.  we decided to hit the town with a vengeance after a seriously hard week and dance our stresses away.  we started the night by getting into a club for free, and then another one for free, and then yet another one for free.  it was unheard of to get into ANY clubs for free on a saturday night, but we were workin’ it!

one guy at the club came up to me, smiled, and said “welcome to the good life!”  i took that as a compliment…because i don’t know what else to take it as :p

cupcake boy actually came and met us for tacos afterward, since we actually parked pretty close to where he lives.  we had tacos, sat and talked for a little bit, and then parted ways.  it was good to see him, even if we did drag him out of his place at 2am just to say hi

on the way home, my friend and i got into this really deep conversation about our childhoods and how they made us who were are today.  her mom was clinically depressed and had RA, and she says that throughout her childhood, she remembers taking her mom to the doctors every month or so.  she also remembers her mom trying to kill herself.  we used to joke about how she’s dead inside, but now that i know this, i don’t want to joke about that with her.  i don’t want to poke fun at something that caused her to block out a complete chunk of emotions.  she said she never once thought “why is my mom like this?  why couldn’t i have a normal, healthy mom?” it just seems so rare that that would be the reaction that children would have.  i know if that were my mom, i would not have handled it as gracefully as she did.

i told her about my childhood, and how my dad was an alcoholic, my grandma was schizophrenic, my grandfather had alzheimers, and how my dad got fired from his job so we were super broke for a bit of my childhood.  it was a rough one, let me tell you.  even now, i told my sister i could never live at home, because i feel like that environment will make me go crazy.  my schizo grandma used to pull the knives out in the middle of the night and slash at the air, or she would shout really loudly in her room and wake us up every night.  as a child, it was all so confusing.  i didn’t understand what schizophrenia was, i didn’t understand that the reason my grandma was shouting was because of the voices in her head, and not because of us.

my friend also told me how her dad cheated on her mom when she (my friend) was born.  she said that that is why she never really needed a guy (even though she’s been in a serious relationship for 4 years).  if someone who is so great in every other way could cheat on someone, who’s to say that nobody else would cheat?  she calls her current boyfriend her “aidan,” as in the character from sex and the city.  carrie WISHED she loved aidan enough to want to marry him, but she couldn’t.  my friend said that she loves her boyfriend, and that they’re actually really happy, but she’s not sure she sees him as her husband.  i think this links back to her dad cheating on her mom…it’s something you don’t ever really get over.

people are such complex creatures, with everyone having such intricate pasts that dictate their character.  it’s a wonder we’re not all completely messed up…but i guess not everyone had a rough childhood.

in any case, it was such a great night.  i found out so much about my friend, i got to hang out a little bit with cupcake boy, and we had a fun time while doing it!  this friend is someone i would give the world to keep by my side, but she had bigger and better plans outside of this city.  i’m so glad i met her way back when, and that we’ve had the chance to grow closer and closer in the past two years.