why i don’t do drugs

it has been a LONG time since i’ve had to pull an all-nighter.  i am now going on 24 hours+ of no sleep, and it’s quite odd.

for some reason, when i am sleep-deprived, i get paranoid.  the more stressful the reason i’m not sleeping, the stronger the paranoia.  one time, back in college when i lived on campus and shared a bathroom with 7 other girls, i stayed up all night writing a 15 page paper and went to take a shower around 4:30am to try to wake up, and i SWORE something kept walking into the bathroom.  of COURSE nobody was up, but my brain refused to believe it.  i would shut my eyes to rinse my hair for a second, and then they’d fly open; i was sure that someone was about to pull the curtain open and take a picture or something.

another time i was sleep-deprived and all alone in my apartment, and when i went to shut my room door, i felt the door spring back towards me, as if someone pushed it towards me and i freaked out and ran the other way.  turns out it was just my sneaker caught in the doorway that prevented it from closing

this is why i know i can’t do drugs.  i feel like i would just be a paranoid ball, curled up in the corner of the closet clutching a baseball bat and wearing a metal collander on my head to protect me from whatever was coming for me.