so, things are weird right now with cupcake boy. i feel like we established a friendship, but i haven’t really heard from him in a while. it’s weird, because i kinda saw him as my partner in crime (P.I.C.) in the big, bad world of autoimmune diseases. maybe i thought we were closer than we are just because of our disabilities.
i called him last night just to see how he was doing. anyone who knows me knows how MUCH i hate using the phone. like, nothing causes me greater anxiety than picking up that phone and calling someone up to “chat.” it’s awkward and weird, and having no other reason to call than to see how he was doing, i was anxious. half the time, when i call, i hope it goes to voicemail. the other half of the time, i hope desperately for the person to pick up. it’s a battle between opposing worlds, really, and i’m never sure how i feel until one option wins out by default.
anyway, it went to voicemail. i know he gets busy with work, but it’s weird to have a friendship with someone that involves voicemail tag and email messages/texts that are super short.
i think i mostly miss the way he made me feel when we hung out. i felt smart, witty, fun, and gorgeous. not that i don’t feel those to some level on a daily basis, but around him, it was heightened. he’s just one of those super charismatic people who you want around you all the time.
maybe it was the fact that i felt normal when it was just us, because we are both broken. whatever it is, i miss my friend.
