today i was hit in the face with the depressing reality of living with RA. I’ve been on methotrexate (MTX) for a while now, and have actually never really had too many side effects. but today – oh today.
i keep denying that i am broken. i know this. anyone who reads this blog knows this. but today, i could not deny it.
a friend and i had been planning a trip to peru. everything was almost in the works, but then i started wondering about immunizations and vaccinations i might need. every website i visited said something different, and some of the vaccines i need are offered in “non-live” form (versus the live form which would basically kill me in my immunosuppressed state), but the general consensus was that i would need yellow fever…and that is only offered in live form. this is absolutely NOT recommended, since i’m immunosuppressed as a result of the MTX. my old rheumatologist would have gotten back to me directly had i left a message asking about this, but my new rheumatologist is a d-bag. he’s an un-caring, un-empathetic man who doesn’t give two craps about his patients. I really hate my company for forcing me to switch insurance companies and having to choose a new specialist. but because i’m no longer their patient, they can’t “advise” me. i mean, i understand their point – who wants to possibly get sued by someone who isn’t legally their patient anymore, even if they were just trying to be helpful?
healthcare in the U.S. is so messed up.
and my friend wasn’t making it any better, demanding to know when i would know for sure if i could go or not because if i end up not being able to go to Peru, she “still wants to go somewhere over break.” the tone i got was that she was basically blaming me for ruining her plans because of this f***ing disease that i have no control over. i was livid…and then i got sad.
this is my reality. i can’t change the fact that there MAY be some things i cannot do, no matter how MUCH i deny my disability. but until now, i’ve been able to coast along, pretending like everything is okay. i’m so angry, sad, frustrated, annoyed, pissed off…EVERYTHING! that there may be some places i can’t even travel to because of the stupid live vaccines.
i’m feeling quite disheartened at the moment. has anyone out there gotten a live vaccination while on MTX, or know someone who has? specifically yellow fever? i’m just searching for answers and a possible silver lining…but it’s not looking good. 😦
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